I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Randomize
