shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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