I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Randomize
