I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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