i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
