God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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