So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
