apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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