Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize