my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
