I wish my penis had an off switch
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize