Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
