giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
