Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
