woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
