if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
