and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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