New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize