I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
