if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
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