There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I am spending my child support on dildos
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
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