i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize