It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
