"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
