You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
"it" just moved
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
