didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
You know, be my cock's hype man.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
