I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
