the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
