So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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