Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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