i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Randomize