Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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