i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize