I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
