Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
