I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
