Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
