I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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