Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
