Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
