I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Randomize
