I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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