Got a toothbrush?
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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