i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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