dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
My cat gives me a boner
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
