Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize