i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Randomize
