Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
