He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I love black thongs
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Randomize
