All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
