He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
