How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
