i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
