She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
