So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I am naked and annoyed.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
