just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
