Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize