My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
