I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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