this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
