Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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