I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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