He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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