on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
