Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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