My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
try to milk me bitch
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
