pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
