How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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