I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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