I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
