It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
