thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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