Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
