dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize