I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
