girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
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I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
