It's Friday. Sex?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
