Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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