I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize