i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Randomize
