My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
