i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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